Relationships : Changing Hearts and Minds
To persuade the moveable middle, research shows that your arguments should do three basic things.
- Emphasize common ground. (“Marriage is about committed couples who want to make a lifelong promise to take care of and be responsible for each other.”)
When you talk about marriage in terms of caring, responsibility, and commitment, you talk about it in the same way that straight people talk about it. This creates an emotional bridge that enables straight people to connect their desire to make a lifelong commitment to someone they love with gay people who want the same thing. Avoid making marriage sound like nothing more than a bundle of rights and benefits. Straight people don’t think of marriage as a benefits package.
Another way to develop an understanding of common ground is by helping straight people understand how they would feel if they experienced the kinds of harms that gay couples do. For example, rather than asking straight audiences to think about what it would be like if they were gay and faced a certain situation, ask them to think about how they’d feel if they faced a certain situation and then make the connection that this situation is one faced by gay couples daily. This helps straight people create an emotional connection with the harms gay people face. Straight allies can be very effective messengers for this approach. For example, a commercial that tested well in California depicts a straight woman facing obstacles to her wedding. It ends with the tagline: “How would you feel if you couldn’t marry the person you love?”
- Illustrate concrete harms. (“It’s wrong to stand in the way of giving committed couples the legal protections they need to take care of and be responsible for each other and their families.”)
While the moveable middle may be conflicted about marriage, they also don’t want to hurt people. You need to make it clear that their nonsupport or apathy means that people are hurt. Note that this is not asking the moveable middle to “give gay couples more rights” but instead is asking them to stop standing in the way of the legal protections gay couples need to take care of each other.
Don’t talk abstractly. Focus on telling emotionally moving, personal stories. [See later section on The Importance of Stories.] Research shows that medical (hospital visitation, emergency medical decision making, personal leave to take care of an ill partner) and end-of-life issues are the most persuasive in helping people understand why the denial of marriage devastates gay couples.
- Affirm people’s desire to do right. Acknowledge people’s inner conflict around marriage but remind them that it shouldn’t be grounds for hurting committed couples. [For example: “We may not all agree on this issue, but that doesn’t mean we should make it hard for gay couples to take care of each other.”]
Talk about the importance of being the type of person who cares about others and who opposes putting committed couples in harm’s way. Don’t ask people to “honor” and “respect” gay couples or their commitment to each other. It’s one thing to not want to hurt gay couples but it’s another to ask people to “honor” or “respect” them.
We’re not saying that this three-pronged approach is the only way to go, just that it’s one way that’s been found to work. Depending on the specifics of your campaign, your audience, or your political environment, you may find it necessary to modify this approach or use another. The important thing to remember is to test your approach before you use it.
Our advice focuses on a campaign for marriage but our guidelines just as easily apply to efforts to gain other forms of relationship recognition. Keep in mind that research shows that the term “domestic partnership” tests more favorably with the moveable middle than “civil unions.”
For more advice, see the later section on Talking Points and Message Documents.
The Importance of Stories
Op-Eds and Letters to the Editor
Talking Points About Marriage and Relationship Recognition
If you’re going to persuade people to support the idea of relationship recognition for same-sex couples, you’ll need to deliver consistent messages and avoid reinforcing those of our opponents. Talking points are important tools to keep your campaign focused. They should be short (no more than a few sentences) and straightforward. You can distribute general talking points to anyone involved in your campaign who may be called upon to speak to media or at events. They can be affirmative messages you have decided are the most important messages to get across to the public, or reactive messages to respond to tough questions or criticism from your opponents. Every set of talking points is different, varying by messengers and audiences, but here are some basic recommended guidelines.
Spreading the Word
Everybody knows the media is important. It may be the most effective way of getting the attention of the board you are working on and the public. And whether you want attention or not, the way you come across if the media does cover your story may be the most important factor in whether you succeed.
Other Materials
Template for legislative testimony 107.21 Kb - letters to legislators, position papers, etc. on proposed state legislation